Giving Up
by iwannagibbs
Summary: KIBBS-They each seem to be giving up.  Can they find their way back to each other?
1. Chapter 1

**Giving Up**

Kate Todd was moving as quickly as she could. She had every intention of having her bags in the car and being out of the driveway before HE got home. She would have made it too if only she hadn't had to stop and search for half of her favorite pair of tennis shoes. How it wound up so far under the bed she would never know but she cursed it when she finally got to the front door and Jethro was pulling into the driveway. She had left him a note on the table and maybe she could have just gotten in the car and driven away but she didn't. Why? Who knows, maybe she wanted to have a fight; maybe she wanted some yelling and accusing and hurting. If so, she certainly got what she wanted.

Jethro saw her bags in the car and her clothes hanging in the back seat. He also saw the look on her face when she stormed out the front door and stalked to her car.

"Kate? What's going on? You're leaving?"

"No wonder you win all those awards for investigating. Yes, I'm leaving. There's a note on the kitchen table. I suggest you read it." She spat those words at him with so much vehemence he was stopped in his tracks.

"I don't want to read a damn note. Talk to me. What's going on?"

"I'm leaving. It's all in the note. I don't want to talk to you. I'm sick of trying to talk to you."

Kate turned around and started for the driver's side of her car. Jethro reached out and grasped her wrist to stop her. He was so shocked by her behavior he really had no idea what to do next.

"Dammit Kate, tell me what's going on. Why are you leaving?"

"Let go of me Jethro."

He let go of her wrist but he stepped in front of her to block her path to the car. For a few moments they just stood there, toe to toe, glaring at each other. He searched her face for some explanation but all he saw was anger and her determination to get past him. He had never seen her look at him in quite this way before and it scared him.

"Kate, please tell me what's wrong. Come in the house and talk to me."

"No, I'm through talking to you and I'm not going back in that house. Ever. Now, get out of my way."

Jethro snapped and grabbed her forcefully by her arms. He knew he was probably hurting her but at this point he didn't really care. He had to stop her and somehow make her tell him what was happening. He would much rather have had this conversation in the privacy of the house but if she wanted to do it in the driveway then so be it.

"Let go of me right now. Jethro, you're hurting me. Let. Go. Of. Me."

Forgetting for just a second that she had been trained to protect the President of the United States, he loosened his hold on her just a little bit. It was too much. As she felt him relax just that little bit, her knee came up and connected very painfully with his groin. When he dropped his hands and bent over to catch his breath, she brought her knee up again, making another painful connection, this time to his right cheekbone and eye.

Kate was momentarily stunned by her actions. She had never so much as slapped Jethro and she had certainly never physically hurt him on purpose. He was a very tough man and it almost scared her when he didn't immediately fight back. She stood rooted to her spot for a moment as she watched him try to catch his breath. By the time he was able to stand up and focus on her she was getting in the car. He was obviously in considerable pain and she hoped for a moment that she hadn't broken his cheekbone. All she wanted to do was leave. Why did he have to be so damned difficult?

Jethro was too stunned by Kate attacking him to do anything. He had never hit a woman in his life and he had no intention of defending himself by hitting Kate. By the time he could finally manage to form a coherent thought she was sitting in the car watching him. Did she think he was going to retaliate? She knew better. Or at least he thought she did. He wasn't sure of anything at the moment except that the woman he had been living with for months, the woman he loved, was acting like a crazy person and he was very nearly in need of some medical attention. He blinked several times to clear his eyes of the tears that either her leaving or her knee had caused.

"Shit, Katie, are you trying to kill me? What in the hell is going on? What did I do?"

From the safety of the car and knowing Jethro was not going to fight back Kate looked at him and almost cried. She knew in her soul that she should talk to him but her heart and her brain said 'go'. Talking had not worked and now she needed to get away and try and figure out what to do next.

"Jethro, I think you know very well what is going on. If you don't, well, that's an answer in itself. Please don't look for me, don't call me. I need some time away from you. I'm sorry about kicking you. I never meant to hurt you, Jethro, not just now; not ever. Goodbye."

Then she was gone. Jethro was glad his driveway was relatively private; he would have hated to have his neighbors see Kate beat the crap out of him. Not to mention seeing and hearing their verbal exchange. Feeling his cheekbone and eye beginning to swell he trudged into the house and rummaged around until he found an ice pack. He was sitting at the kitchen table staring at Kate's note; as yet unread, when he heard the front door open and close. Afraid to hope but doing it anyway he stepped into the hallway praying she had come back and this was all a very bad dream. Instead he found his friend Dr. Mallard standing there looking very concerned.

Still holding the ice pack to his face, he inquired, "Hey, Duck, what are you doing here?"

Ducky reached up and pulled Jethro's hand away from his face and examined the blossoming bruise he saw there. Sighing he said, "Kate called and said you'd been hurt. She asked me to check on you and since I was nearby I came on over. What happened Jethro? Were you attacked?"

Jethro turned and went back to the kitchen and slumped down at the table. "Kate called? That's rich considering she's the one who did the damage."

"She what? Are you hurt anywhere else?"

"Let's just say I never knew I needed to wear a cup for protection from her. I'm alright Duck. Physically at least. I guess it could have been worse; she could have shot me like she threatened to do back on Air Force One."

"Start at the beginning my friend. That is unless you don't want to tell me what's going on. And let me look at that eye again."

Ducky tilted Jethro's head toward the light and gently probed around on his cheekbone. Then he examined the eye more closely before putting the ice pack back in place.

"Nothing seems to be broken but you are going to have one very impressive shiner. Now, what do you want to tell me?"

Jethro told Ducky exactly what had happened when he came home. The entire time he was talking he fingered the still unopened note. He knew he would have to read it eventually but for some reason he wasn't anxious to do so. He told himself he should go ahead because if he didn't he wasn't going to know what he'd done wrong. And he was sure it was something he'd done. It wasn't something he'd forgotten to do or some date he'd forgotten; those kinds of things didn't bother Kate. No, he'd done something to totally, maybe irrevocably piss her off and hurt her. That was it; he'd done something that hurt her. The problem was, for the life of him he couldn't think what it was.

"Well, Jethro you will have to read the note if you want to know why she left."

"I know."

"Would you like me to leave and give you some privacy?"

"Not really."

While Jethro and Ducky sat at the kitchen table Kate drove to her friend's condo and unloaded her belongings. As she took the last bag into the house and closed the door her phone beeped at her. She saw it was her friend Donna so she answered.

"Hey Kate whatcha doin' right now? You want to grab something to eat or are you with your man tonight.?"

"I'm just getting settled at Linda's right now. I'm staying at her condo for a couple of weeks while she's traveling with the First Lady."

"What happened to you staying with Jethro, I thought you were living with him."

"I was until about 30 minutes ago. Look, it's a long story and I don't really want to get into it right now. I just need a hot bath and some time to figure things out. I'll call you in a day or two."

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine. I'll call I promise."

An hour later Kate had soaked in a nice hot bubble bath, eaten a light supper and was relaxing on the couch mindlessly watching television. She had no idea what she was seeing but it didn't matter because all she could think about was Jethro and what had happened earlier. She didn't have any tears left; she had used them all up two days ago when she decided she needed to end their relationship. Now all she had left was an empty feeling in her stomach and a nagging ache in her head. It had all been too fast and too good and she should have known it wouldn't last. But damn, she hated to admit she'd been wrong about him.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

**Giving Up**

Two Months Later

Gibbs and his team were working a case involving the deaths of two Marines and very large bag of money. They suspected the money was counterfeit and Gibbs had the feeling they were stepping into something a lot bigger than their two sailors.

"McGee, call someone at Treasury and ask them to send an agent over to inspect our money. If it's counterfeit they might have information we could use."

"On it boss."

"DiNozzo, you're with me. Let's go talk to the other two guys who lived in that apartment."

Tony grabbed his bag and hurried after his boss to the elevator. In the car on the way to the interviews Tony reflected on the past few weeks and his boss' less than pleasant mood. Not that Gibbs was usually in a great mood but there for a while it had seemed to be better. Then one day he came to work with a really bad shiner on his right eye and the good mood was gone; seemingly for good. Being the brave special agent that he was DiNozzo had asked about the black eye. The glare he got in response really didn't satisfy his curiosity. He asked Ducky but all the medical examiner would say was, "ask Jethro". Not having a death wish, Tony didn't bring it up again. As the weeks went on and the dark mood persisted, Tony decided the boss must have run afoul another volatile red head. Tony fervently hoped the next woman that attracted Gibbs' attention was a brunette.

Two hours and two mostly useless interviews later Gibbs and DiNozzo returned to NCIS. McGee was at his desk when they entered the squad room.

"You get anything from Treasury, McGee?"

"Yes, Boss, the agent is downstairs with Abby. Just got here about ten minutes ago."

Gibbs glared at him prepared to say something about letting the agent go down to the lab without talking to him first but realized it probably didn't matter anyway.

"Alright, you two go back to Quantico and talk to every person those two Marines worked with, drank beer with or did whatever with. We need to find out who their contact was for moving that money. Don't come back here until you have something we can use."

"Gotcha Boss." Tony and McGee left in the elevator and Gibbs followed minutes later on his way to Abby's lab.

Stepping out of the elevator Gibbs froze when he heard a very familiar laugh. Without entering the lab he knew Kate was in there. What was she doing here, he wondered. She should be in New York with the President this week. At least that's what Gibbs thought because he followed the President's schedule so he would know where Kate was. Unless for some reason she wasn't on the Presidential detail anymore. As he was pondering that he heard Abby ask just that question.

"So, Kate why aren't you with the President in New York? Why are you here talking about this money? Not that I'm not happy to see you but hey, it's been a while and I figured you hadn't called me because you were traveling with the President. But you're not with the President. Have you found someone and that's why you're not calling me for drinks lately? That's it isn't it, you've got a man. Tell me everything!"

"Abby stop. I'm not on the Presidential detail anymore. I broke my hand about six weeks ago in a training accident so I was replaced. I couldn't exactly be on a protection detail when I couldn't hold a gun. Anyway I got reassigned to the counterfeit division and I actually like it. This whole investigating thing is fun and interesting and lots less travel. And no, I haven't found a man. I have just been really busy. Now, how about letting me have a look at that big bag of money you guys found."

Gibbs took several deep breaths and tried to regain his focus on the case. Hearing Kate had been injured had been hard but he was relieved to hear her say she didn't have a man. Maybe there was still a chance they would work things out. He wasn't sure how he was going to handle seeing Kate but he couldn't exactly avoid it now so he took another deep breath and walked into the lab.

"Hello, Agent Todd."

"Agent Gibbs."

Abby stood at her computer and looked back and forth from Gibbs to Kate and back to Gibbs. The atmosphere in the room was suddenly very tense and thick with unspoken emotions. When neither Gibbs or Kate made a move toward the money on the table Abby realized she was going to have to take control of the situation. She took Kate by the arm and pulled her to the table where the money was stacked

"This is what the guys found in the apartment of the two dead sailors. We haven't touched it except to take it out of the duffle bag and make a rough count. It looks like about $250,000."

Kate pulled on some gloves and began examining the bills. Gibbs stood on the opposite side of the table and didn't say a word. Kate held the bills up to the light then looked at them under a powerful magnifying glass.

After about five minutes she said, "You are right, these are definitely counterfeit. Very good quality but not the best I've seen. I'm almost positive one of my colleagues is working a case with bills that may be from this same counterfeiter. I'll let him know what you have so you can coordinate with him. His name's Paul Carter. He may have a lead for you on where this stuff is coming from and where it was supposed to be going. He'll want to know what you have on the sailors of course."

Gibbs just nodded and said, "Tell him to call me. I'd like to get this wrapped up asap. Thanks for your help Agent Todd."

"You're welcome. I'll see you Abby. Let's have lunch sometime."

Abby gave Kate a hug and said she'd call her. Kate started for the elevator while Gibbs had a few more words with Abby.

The last ten minutes had been some of the longest of Kate's life and now the elevator seemed to be taking forever. She had known when her boss called her into his office and told her NCIS needed someone to check out some money that her day wasn't going to go well. She had hoped it wasn't Gibbs' team but figured it probably would be and of course she had been right. Damn Jethro for looking so good and for being so sickeningly polite to her. She wanted to throttle him and kiss him at the same time.

Jethro found Kate still waiting for the elevator and he feared what was going to happen when they stepped into the confines of the steel box. He didn't know if he wanted her to leave or if he wanted to keep her in the elevator for the next few hours until he was satisfied they were either truly finished or there was a chance she would come back to him. He knew he wasn't going to let her go without at least trying to get her to talk to him. Ignoring her for the past two months certainly hadn't made him feel any better and of course it hadn't fixed things.

Finally the car arrived, the doors opened and the two of them stepped into the very close space of the elevator car. Moments after they began their ascent Jethro reached over and pulled the stop button.

"Please don't do that Jethro."

"Too late. We need to talk."

Jethro was leaning against the wall nearest the control panel. Kate moved to the far corner and leaned against the back wall.

"Jethro, you have had two months to talk to me and you have chosen not to do so. Now is not the time or the place. Besides, I don't have anything to say to you. I told you in the note why I was leaving. Now, please turn this damned thing on so I can go back to work."

"You told me not to call you and I didn't read the note."

"Well you should have."

"I want you to tell me to my face. I want to hear you say why you left."

"Then you are going to be disappointed because I have no intention of having that conversation with you now or in the near future. If you wanted to know you should have read the note two months ago. It's a little late now, Jethro. Either start this damned elevator or I'm going to start screaming for help."

Jethro sighed and thought about what he should do. He wanted to push the issue but he knew it wouldn't do any good. When Kate made up her mind it took more than a conversation in an elevator to change it. Now that he'd seen her though, he couldn't let her just walk away without at least trying.

"Will you have dinner with me?"

Kate thought about it for a few moments. The last two months had been tough but she was making it. Did she want to risk Jethro worming his way back into her life? 'Hell, she thought I'm stronger than that. I can have a conversation with him and still walk away'.

"No, I won't have dinner with you but I will meet you on the Mall tonight in front of the Carousel at 6:00. And Jethro, if you aren't there I won't wait."

"I'll be there." Jethro restarted the elevator and in less than two minutes Kate was out of that tiny little steel box and on her way back to her office.

**5:55 that evening**

Kate couldn't believe it when she arrived at the Carousel in front of the Smithsonian and found Jethro waiting for her. He stood up when she approached and smiled at her. He held out a bag from her favorite bakery and she knew there was a caramel pecan roll inside. 'Damn him' she thought. It was really hard to be angry with a man who brought her one of those sinful treats.

"A bribe Jethro?"

"Thought I might need it."

"Thank you. I'll save it for a late night snack."

Kate sat with her hands in her lap and watched the people milling around on the mall. It was a warm evening and there were still lots of tourists and young people about. Jethro leaned down with his elbows on his knees looking at the ground in front of him. After what seemed a very long time he finally turned his head and looked at Kate

"I've missed you Katie."

She almost didn't hear him; his voice was so soft it was almost a whisper.

"I've missed you too."

"Then why? Please tell me what I did to hurt you Kate."

"Dammit Jethro why couldn't you have just read the note?"

For a long time he didn't answer. He toed the ground and finally sat up shifting his gaze to the broad expanse of the Mall. Kate waited patiently knowing he would eventually answer her.

In a voice that seemed just a bit shaky he finally said, "In my experience a note like that doesn't say anything good. I just didn't want to read it because I thought if I didn't maybe it wouldn't be true and you wouldn't really stay gone."

Kate didn't respond right away. She wasn't sure she wanted to get into all this now. Leaving Jethro had been the hardest thing she had ever done and she knew it had been cowardly of her to leave him a note. She had been telling herself for two months that she owed him more than that. She had thought he would track her down and when he didn't she decided maybe he was fine with her being gone. From what she could see and hear tonight that was definitely not the case.

"You didn't DO anything Jethro. It's really more about how we relate to one another. It's hard for me to put it into words with you sitting right here looking at me."

"If I'm not mistaken we seemed to relate to each other pretty well. In fact just two nights before you left we spent several very enjoyable hours "relating" to one another."

"Yes, we had wonderful sex together Jethro, but that isn't what I mean."

In a solemn voice Jethro replied, "it wasn't just sex, Katie. I thought you knew that."

"I do know that. I didn't mean to trivialize what we had together. We had wonderful physical intimacy. That is something you are very good at. It's the emotional intimacy that was missing in our relationship and I need that as much as the other. I need the person I'm with to trust me enough to be honest with me about his emotions. I'm not asking you to change who you are Jethro, I'm just telling you that's why I left. You go to a place sometimes where I can't reach you. You disappear behind a wall so high and so thick I can't find you. I need my partner to be able to talk to me about what's inside him. I don't think you can do that, at least you haven't. I thought with time you would come to trust me and open up with me but you didn't. So…I had to take care of myself and that's why I left."

For a long time neither of them spoke. Kate watched the people coming and going and she wanted to get up and go home. Something was keeping her rooted to this bench. She realized she was hoping Jethro would say something that would allow her to change her mind and give him another chance.

For his part, Jethro was trying to figure out how he could give Kate enough of what she wanted and still not give up his closely guarded and painful past. He knew exactly what she was sensing from him but he was not near ready to let that wall she talked about collapse around him. He decided to try a diversion.

"Kate you know I'm not a person who comes home and spills his guts about all the crap that goes on at work. Why would I ever want to subject someone I care about to the ugly details of what I do?"

"I don't expect you to come home and talk about all the gory details of your cases. For god's sake Jethro, I'm not a child. I know what kind of people you deal with sometimes. I read the paper. I'm a Federal agent too. I'm talking about the fact that you never and I mean never, talk about how it affects you, how it makes you feel. You disappear to the basement for hours and drink and sand the boat and let it all just eat you up."

Jethro turned to face her fully and took her hands in his. "That's what the boat is for Kate. It's how I deal with all the crap. Yeah, sometimes I drown it in bourbon but mostly I just let the sanding and the wood take it away. It quiets my mind. I don't dwell on it; I work it out on the boat and then I move on because I know tomorrow or next week there will be another case that will be just as bad. It's how I've always done it and no, I won't change that part of me. If that's what you need then you're right, I can't give it to you."

He knew damn well Kate was not talking just about how he dealt with his job when she talked about his emotional failings. He knew she understood and even admired his devotion to the job. Telling her about the boat and admitting he wasn't going to give up his personal form of therapy was a gamble designed to get her to give in just a little bit and offer him a second chance.

"I don't expect you to change who you are Jethro, I'm simply telling you that I can't be in a relationship with you because you are too emotionally distant. I feel like I don't know you sometimes. You just shut down and nothing I do or say seems to matter. I think there are just too many secrets Jethro. I'm sorry."

"Everyone has secrets Kate."

"I don't have any secrets from you. There may be things about me you don't know but they aren't secrets; they just haven't been talked about yet. I'm talking about whatever it is that makes you close me out and leaves me on the outside of that wall you have around yourself. And again, I'm not saying you should change. I'm just telling you that's why I left. Now, I really need to go Jethro."

Kate stood up to leave but Jethro caught her hand and held on. He looked up at her and asked, "Can I see you again?"

"Why?"

"Can I please call you?"

She knew he was loathe to use the magic word of please and his expression was so hopeful she couldn't say no.

"Yes. Goodnight Jethro."

Kate walked away and Jethro sat on the bench as the late evening settled around him. The tourists were thinning out and the last of the joggers were leaving the area. Jethro didn't see any of them. He saw Kate. And Shannon. And Kelly. He saw himself with his girls riding horses on the beach, camping and laughing together. Then he saw Kate in his kitchen fixing breakfast wearing only his tee shirt and boxers. Then Shannon was kissing him goodbye as Kelly clung to his leg. He and Kate were in bed, she was making love to him. Then they were all mixed up together, Shannon, Kate, Kelly, over and over again until he couldn't separate them anymore. When he finally pulled himself out of his reverie it was dark and he was alone on the Mall.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

**Giving Up**

Two Months Later

Jethro Gibbs was slowly coming awake. He felt the warmth of a soft, naked body pressed against his side. He reached out and gently touched the slim arm that was lying across his abdomen. With his eyes just half open he saw the long dark hair splayed across the pillow. In his beer and sleep induced stupor he thought how nice it was to wake up next to Kate Todd. Then he opened his eyes and realized that of course it was not Kate. It was. . .Marissa or Melissa or something like that. He couldn't honestly say he remembered; if he ever knew in the first place.

Gibbs extricated himself from the sleeping woman's grasp, pulled on an old pair of shorts and went into the bathroom. After emptying his very stressed bladder he washed his hands and brushed his teeth. He was very glad there was no mirror over the sink in this bathroom. He sure as hell didn't want to look at himself. He didn't want to see the man he was becoming.

Leaving the bathroom Gibbs headed to the kitchen, poured himself a cup of coffee and went out the front door. Mike was sitting on the porch with his own coffee and an ever present cigarette.

"Damn Probie, you look like hell."

"Thanks."

Mike Franks looked over at his friend and former protégé and shook his head. He didn't know what was going on but he was going to find out pretty soon.

"Just what in the hell are you doing, Jethro?"

Gibbs just stared out at the sand and the water. The sun was already blazing, it was going to be another hot day. He didn't care. He liked it hot.

"Damned if I know, Mike."

About that time the young woman from Gibbs' bed appeared on the porch. She was dressed and carrying her purse. She leaned down and kissed Gibbs on the cheek and walked off toward town without a word. Gibbs didn't say anything either. The silence spoke volumes about what had been going on for the past several nights.

"Who was that?"

"Not sure."

"Listen up Probie, you've been here for almost a month now. You show up with a backpack full of anger and guilt and I don't know what all. That's fine. You're always welcome here you know that. But dammit Jethro, what are you trying to do? This drinking all day and all night and then bedding a different young thing every night is not right. Hell, that girl couldn't be more than twenty-three or four. If you want to kill yourself just get your damned gun and shoot yourself."

"Don't tempt me."

Mike stamped out his cigarette and stood up. He took Jethro's empty coffee cup and went into the house. When he came back he handed his friend his cup then sat back down with his own coffee. He pulled his chair around to face Gibbs.

"Talk to me Jethro."

"Not today Mike."

"When?"

"I don't know but not today."

Jethro got up and trudged down to the water's edge. He stood looking out over the calm sea and wished he had his boat so he could just sail away and never have to come back. Never have to explain himself to anyone again.

Mike sat on the porch and watched his friend pacing back and forth in the sand. Jethro certainly took the relaxation out of being on the beach. Mike had known Jethro Gibbs longer than anyone else in Jethro's life except his father and as far as Mike knew Jethro didn't speak to his dad. Whatever was going on and whatever help he was going to get was going to have to come from Mike.

After a third cup of coffee Mike decided he would go down and talk to Jethro again. Before he could start that way however he saw Camilla walking down the beach toward the house. Camilla was a friend of Mike's who lived in town. She brought him his mail and groceries sometimes when his truck wasn't running. Camilla was headed straight for the house and from the way she was moving it was obvious to Mike something was wrong. As he was watching her approach he saw her look toward the water and then veer off in that direction. Mike decided to sit back down and see what developed.

Camilla walked up to Jethro who stopped his pacing and stood in front of her. Mike watched as Camilla began gesturing wildly and talking very rapidly right in Jethro's face. From long experience, Mike knew her English and Spanish were getting all mixed up in her excitement. Her gesturing became more agitated and then to Mike's surprise she hauled off and slapped Jethro hard in the face. She had a few more things to say then she poked him in the chest a few times with her finger and stalked off toward the house. Mike braced himself for whatever was about to happen. He noted with some small measure of surprise that Jethro was still standing where Camilla had left him. Then, before Camilla got to the house Jethro slowly sank down on the sand and sat staring at the water.

When Camilla came up on the porch Mike could see she had been crying but he was sure they were tears of anger so he decided to tread carefully.

"Camilla, my friend, what's wrong?"

"You need to keep Senor Gibbs away from the cantina."

"Why? What's the matter?"

"The woman he was with last night was my cousin, Marita. She is only twenty-three years old, Mike. Twenty-three! Her brother is not happy and if he finds Gibbs anytime soon it will not be good."

"Okay but look he didn't exactly kidnap her you know. He didn't force her to come home with him."

Camilla came toward him and Mike wisely shut up and put his hands up in a sign of surrender.

"I'm just warning you Mike because we are friends and I like Jethro. I don't know what's going on with him since he got here but he made a mistake last night. Carlos will hurt him if he finds him before he calms down."

"Okay, I'll keep him here for a few days. I'm sorry Camilla. Something happened in DC and it's got Jethro all screwed up. I appreciate the warning."

Almost an hour later Jethro returned to the house in search of some breakfast. Mike had eggs and bacon ready and they both sat down to eat in silence.

"Camilla's pretty fired up. It sounds like you need to make yourself scarce in town for a while and I could use some help around here Probie."

"I can take care of myself, Mike."

"Yeah I can see that. I don't want to have to get you out of a Mexican jail, Jethro. Or a hospital for that matter. Just stick around here for a couple of days until Carlos cools down. Like I said I could use some help with things around here."

"You mean you've got some stuff that needs fixing and you want me to do it."

"Exactly, Probie. You got a problem with that?"

Jethro looked across the table at the man who had saved his life so many years ago. He knew he owed Mike more than he could ever repay him and that his current behavior was not acceptable.

"No. No problem at all. I could stand a little manual labor I guess."

"Good. That settles it then."

Jethro spent the next three days fixing Mike's roof, replacing some rotting boards on the porch and building him a small storage shed. The physical labor under a punishing sun was good for his body but his heart and his soul were still in bad shape. He still drank too much every night and spent a lot of time looking out over the water wishing he could go back in time and change things. Mike had made a couple of attempts to get Jethro to talk about why he was really there but each time the response was silence accompanied by a classic Gibbs glare. By the third day Mike had almost given up. Almost.

Four days after Camilla's visit Mike realized he was out of cigarettes and beer; two staples of life he could not be without for very long. He decided a trip to town for supplies was in order and he figured Carlos had had plenty of time to cool down by now. He asked Jethro if he wanted to go to town with him.

"Sure. I could use a change of scenery. And companionship."

"Don't go there Jethro. There's no chain around your leg."

"I'm just kidding Mike. Geez, give me a break will ya."

"Alright come on. I need a cigarette and a cold beer."

The two friends walked toward town which luckily wasn't far. Mike's balky truck was the next project on Jethro's list of things to fix. When they arrived in the tiny seaside town, Mike went on to the post office to get whatever mail he had and Jethro headed for the cantina.

"Try and stay out of trouble until I get there will ya?"

"I'll do my best."

"That's what worries me."

Jethro settled at a table near the back where he could keep an eye on the front door. There were only a couple of other people in the cantina at this time of day. He had taken his first swallow of a nice cold beer when he sensed someone behind him. Maybe it was all the beer he'd drunk in the last few weeks or maybe he was just out of practice; whatever the reason he let someone sneak up behind him and get the jump on him. And he didn't even really care.

He felt the point of the knife at his throat about the same time he felt the young man behind wrap his muscular arm around his neck and pull him backward out of his chair. Jethro offered no resistance, he just let himself be dragged out the back door of the cantina into the alley. Carlos roughly pushed Jethro against the wall face first as he took his arm from around his neck. Still holding the knife to Jethro's throat, Carlos punched him twice, very hard, in the kidneys. It took all his strength for Jethro to stay on his feet.

Carlos stepped away from him and told Jethro to turn around. That's when Jethro saw that Carlos had some friends with him and he realized the situation was about to go from bad to worse.

"You should not have come back here, Senor."

Jethro didn't answer. He looked from Carlos to each of his three companions and wondered just how much he would be able to take from them.

"You got anything to say before we get started, Senor?"

"I'm sorry about your sister. It was wrong of me and I apologize."

"Good for you." That was all Carlos said before his fist slammed into Jethro's midsection doubling him over. He sucked in air as quickly as he could but Carlos was just getting started. He hit Jethro again in the gut and then twice in the face. Since Jethro couldn't stand up straight by now two of the friends stepped in to hold him up so the beating could continue. Jethro endured repeated body blows and strikes to his face and head. He felt his right eye swelling shut and tasted blood in his mouth. Even if he had wanted to fight back he was outnumbered and these young men obviously knew how to use their fists and their feet to best effect. When they tired of holding him up they let Jethro fall to the ground and the punching was replaced by kicking. All Jethro could think was that he deserved what was happening but he sure wished they would get tired pretty soon and leave him alone.

Less than three minutes after it started the beating was stopped when Camilla came out the back door of the cantina and shouted at Carlos to leave him alone. Carlos looked at her and then gave Jethro one last kick to the chest. Jethro thought his heart was going to explode when Carlos' boot connected. He had never felt such excruciating pain in his life and for the first time in a long time he was afraid. As he lay on the hard ground struggling to breathe he thought about Kate and how sorry he was for hurting her. He wished he had told her because now he was afraid he wasn't going to get the chance. He couldn't get his breath, he was bleeding and in some serious pain and pretty sure he was going to die right there in that dirty alley.

When Mike had come in the cantina looking for Jethro, Camilla had said she had not seen him. She was not there when Jethro came in so she didn't know what was happening in the alley. Mike spotted a half finished beer on the back table and asked the bartender whose it was. When he said Senor Gibbs had been sitting there a few minutes ago Mike went to the men's room to check and Camilla went to the back door. That's when she intervened and probably saved Jethro's life.

"Mike, out here." Camilla shouted over her shoulder for Mike as she bent down to examine Jethro. He was on his side, holding his gut and trying to breath. His face was all bloody and swollen and Camilla could tell he had been severely beaten by the three men she had chased away. Mike appeared at her side and gently rolled Jethro onto his back.

"Probie, can you hear me?"

Jethro just nodded weakly.

"Camilla, I think we better get him to the clinic. Do you have your car?"

"Yes, I'll be right back."

"Just hang on Probie."

Jethro was finding it very difficult to breathe. He figured he had at least one broken rib and wondered if it had punctured his lung. He tried to speak to Mike but that didn't work. His whole body ached and his face was numb. One of the attackers had kicked him in the side of the knee while they were still holding him up and that leg felt like it was on fire. He could hear Mike talking to him but no matter how hard he tried he couldn't answer.

By the time Mike and Camilla got him to the small clinic in town, Jethro was drifting in and out of consciousness and barely able to take a good breath. Fortunately for him, even though the town and the clinic were small they were blessed with the services of a very competent young doctor and good nurses. Jethro was taken to an emergency examining room and forty-five minutes later the young physician, Dr. Estrada, emerged to give Mike and Camilla the news of Jethro's condition.

"Your friend's most serious injuries are a broken rib and a collapsed lung. That is why he was having such difficulty breathing. We have inserted a tube that is helping with that. He has also what I think are some torn ligaments in his knee. I do not have the proper equipment to evaluate that as well as I'd like. And of course he has many, many contusions and bruises all over his torso and his face. His nose is broken, but his jaw and cheekbone are only severely bruised not fractured. I want to keep him here overnight at least. We need to monitor him for concussion symptoms and he needs to be on some strong pain medication."

"Thank you doctor. Can we see him?"

"Of course, the nurse will come get you when he's settled in a room. He will likely be asleep for a while, I gave him a pretty strong sedative just a little while ago."

Mike turned to Camilla as the doctor walked away. "Thank you, my friend. If you had not gone out there. . ."

"It's okay Mike. I just hope Jethro will be okay. What should we do about Carlos?"

"I don't know. I doubt if Jethro will want to press charges against him. Maybe we should let it go for now."

"I'll talk to him. I know Marita tried to tell him she went with Senor Gibbs by her own choice but he didn't care. She will be very upset by what he's done. She will probably be more dangerous to her brother than the police would be."

"Then I say we let her handle it."

"I need to go back to work. I will come by tonight and see you both."

"Thanks again."

Mike stepped outside for a quick smoke and when he got back the nurse showed him to Jethro's room. They had put a brace on his knee and he had an ice pack on the right side of his face. From the waist up he was one giant bruise. Mike satisfied himself that Jethro was breathing okay and settled down to wait for his Probie to wake up. Two hours later he heard some faint moaning coming from the bed and went to stand at Jethro's side. The ice pack was long gone and Mike could see Jethro's right eye was swollen completely shut. In fact his whole face was pretty much a swollen, cut and bruised mess. His broken nose had been put back in its proper place and he had a few stitches closing up a deep cut in his hairline probably caused by one of the many kicks Carlos and his friends had administered.

Jethro was trying to wake up but the effort required was just too much and he gave up. Mike went back to his chair and continued to wait. His wait was a long one because it was late that evening before Jethro was able to open his one good eye and see his friend looking at him with concern plainly written on his craggy face. He tried to say something but his mouth was so dry he couldn't make his tongue and lips work to form a word. Mike spooned some ice chips into his mouth and Jethro thought it was the best thing he'd ever eaten.

"Don't try to talk yet. You took quite a beating but you'll be fine. Eventually."

"My knee?"

"Doc says probably torn ligaments. You'll need to have it looked at when you go home. One broken rib, collapsed lung and broken nose. Lots of bruises and so forth. Did you get in even one punch, Probie?"

"'Fraid not, Boss."

Mike gave him some more ice chips. "When can I get out of here?"

"Tomorrow probably. You need to stay overnight so they can watch you and make sure you don't have any concussion problems. And so they can give you some good pain meds."

"I'm sorry Mike."

"Don't worry about it Probie. We'll talk about it tomorrow. You just rest and I'll be here."

"You don't have to stay."

"I know I don't, but I am. Now, go back to sleep."

"Okay."

Mike resumed his post in the chair next to the window. Jethro went back to sleep but about half an hour later he was thrashing around in the bed and mumbling. Mike went to him and leaned down to try and hear what he was saying. Finally he heard Jethro very clearly say, "Kate I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Katie please forgive me." Then he slipped back into a deep sleep. Just one other time, in the middle of the night, Jethro called out to Kate again asking her to forgive him. Now Mike knew at least who had driven Jethro to Mexico even if he didn't know what had happened.

Early the next morning Mike went home to shower and have some decent coffee. He considered calling NCIS to find out if DiNozzo or anyone could tell him who this Kate person was. He decided to wait and give Jethro a couple more days to talk to him. He arrived back at the hospital just as the doctor was finishing his exam. He pronounced Jethro well enough to go home. Camilla drove Jethro and Mike back to the little cabin on the beach. Jethro managed to walk by himself to the porch but just barely. He had to have some help up the steps because of the knee brace and he gladly collapsed onto the lounge chair while Mike and Camilla took the groceries into the house. Since he couldn't really chew much of anything yet Camilla made him one of her special milk shakes.

"Thank you, Camilla. And thank you for yesterday."

"You are welcome, Senor Gibbs. I'm sorry for what happened to you."

"I know. Don't worry about it. I guess I got what was coming to me."

"Don't say that. I don't agree with that at all. Yes, Marita is much too young to be with you but it was her choice. I know you did not force her. Carlos will have to accept that."

"If I was her brother I'd have done the same thing to me."

"Well, you just rest for a few days and you'll be good as new. I have to go now."

Mike walked her to her car and thanked her for all her help. "Could I use the car in a few days? Jethro might need to go home and have his knee looked at so I'll need to take him to the airport."

"Of course. Just let me know."

Jethro came home from the clinic on a Sunday and for the next two days he mostly slept and when he wasn't sleeping he limped down to the beach and sat watching the water come and go. He gingerly waded into the warm water and sat in the shallows letting the gentle waves wash over his battered body. His bruises were turning all sorts of glorious colors and his swollen eye and cheek were finally returning to their normal size. His knee was stiff and sore but he was hoping the damage was not as bad as the doctor had thought. He was in no hurry to go back to DC just yet. Jethro had been thinking about Kate almost non stop since he got out of the hospital. He remembered what he had been thinking lying in that alley beaten all to hell. He remembered how much he wished he had told her he was sorry. Now he wondered if it was too late. He thought it probably was.

On Wednesday morning Mike waited until Jethro had gone down to the beach before he rummaged around in his bag and found his cell phone. He took down the number for DiNozzo at NCIS and then, using his own phone he called him.

"Agent DiNozzo. Can I help you."

"It's Mike Franks."

"Hey, Mike everything alright?"

"Why wouldn't it be?"

"Because you never call here unless there's a problem. Is the Boss okay?"

"You know where he is?"

"Well, yeah he's with you isn't he? That's where he said he was going when he left here. Said he'd be back in six or eight weeks. Who has that kind of leave saved up anyway? So, is he with you or not."

"He's here. This is between you and me DiNozzo. Got it?"

"Sure. What's between us?"

"Who's Kate?"

"The only Kate I know is a Secret Service chick we worked with on the Air Force One case a year or so ago. I think she's working counterfeiting now. Why?"

"She and Probie got a thing together?"

"Whoa, I don't know about that. She's not a redhead so I kinda doubt it."

"I'm serious, Tony. Who would know."

"Wow, you are serious, you never call me by my first name. Abby or Ducky would be the ones to ask. Mike, is the bossman okay?"

"Not really but I'm workin' on it. I'll let you know if I need help. Can you switch me to Ducky? And Tony, no one else is to know I called you. Clear."

"Absolutely. I'll send you to autopsy. Mike, don't let anything happen to him."

A little late for that Mike thought but he said, "Like I said, workin' on it."

"Autopsy, Dr. Mallard here."

"Hey, Ducky it's Mike. How you doin'?"

"Hello, Mike. I'm fine. How's the beach? And Jethro?"

"Sandy and not so good."

"What do you mean? What's wrong with him?"

"Well he spent a day and a night in the hospital here this past weekend. He got the hell beat out of him on Saturday by the brother of a young woman he brought home one night last week. It's a long story, Ducky."

"How seriously is he hurt?"

"One broken rib, punctured lung and a whole lot of bumps and bruises. Maybe some knee damage."

"My goodness. What can I do?"

"Something happened in DC to drive Jethro here. Something he won't tell me about. What do you know about a woman named Kate that Jethro might have had a thing with?"

"That would be Kate Todd. She works for the Secret Service. She and Jethro lived together for about three months but she moved out just over two months ago. I don't think he's seen her since. Why are you asking about Kate?"

"The night he spent in the hospital Jethro was calling her name and asking her to forgive him. He's been having nightmares and I hear him saying her name in his sleep. Whatever happened between them he's been slowly killing himself over it since he got here. Until this week he had been setting records for beer consumption and women slept with. I'd managed to keep him home for four days until we went to town Saturday and he got jumped. He's physically going to be okay but mentally he's really messed up Ducky."

"What can I do from here?"

"Can you talk to her and find out what Jethro is to her and vice versa? It's complicated but I think he needs to talk to her. I'll work on him here but I need to know what her position is on the subject. Can you do it?"

"Consider it done. I'll call you back in a day or two at the latest. Unless she's out of town. Then I'll call you back and tell you that."

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

A/N Thanks for the reviews and alerts. It's so much more fun to write when I know you're reading and enjoying a story.

**Giving Up**

By the time Jethro had been out of the hospital for 4 days he had fallen back into his drinking and his dark moods. Mike hadn't heard back from Ducky yet so he decided to force the issue before Jethro slipped all the way back down into his dark hole. When he came out on the porch with his first cup of coffee Mike was ready.

"Probie, I want you to tell me what happened in DC that drove you here."

Jethro had known this moment was coming. Mike would only be put off so long and then he had to have answers. He deserved those answers but Jethro was loathe to give them to him.

"I'm not sure I can."

"Try. What happened? What are you running away from?"

Gibbs took several deep breaths and ran his fingers through his hair. He looked at Mike; his closest friend besides Ducky. His mentor and the man who literally pulled him back from the brink when Shannon and Kelly were killed. He knew he could trust this man but god, it hurt to have to tell him how messed up he was. But he knew, even in his less than stellar condition that if he didn't talk about it soon he was going to fall so far back into the darkness that he wouldn't be able to find his way out. He didn't think that was what he wanted; he wasn't entirely sure but at least a little bit of him wanted to get past this mess.

"We were working with the FBI on catching a serial killer. This guy had killed maybe six or eight women over the past few years. About six months ago he killed a young, female petty officer. That's why we were involved. About two months ago we had tracked him to a house in Alexandria. The FBI and NCIS were taking turns staking out the place. We sat on that damned house for days and days with nothing happening. One Friday it was supposed to be my team but I talked Fornell into trading with us. The guy showed up, there was a shooting and he got away. One of Fornell's men was killed."

"We didn't find the bastard for another two weeks and by then he had killed another woman. And her unborn child. So, just because I wanted to be somewhere else; someplace I shouldn't have been anyway, an FBI agent and a woman and her child are dead. And here I am."

Mike digested all that and didn't speak for a long time. Finally he said, "Fornell was okay with this trading of shifts?"

"Yeah. He said it got him out of having to see Diane about something."

"So, you didn't force him to do it. And his man was killed in a firefight with a serial killer. How is that your fault?"

"We should have been there, not the FBI."

"Well, sure and then it could have been McGee that's dead. Or DiNozzo. Or Ziva. Or even you. Bullshit, Jethro, what is really going on?"

"Isn't it enough that a young man with a wife and two little kids is dead? And a woman and her baby."

"If you had killed them or even been a little bit responsible then yes, that would be enough to drive you here and into a case of beer a day. But face it Probie, the FBI didn't get the job done. That's not your fault. Would you be blaming Fornell if the situation was reversed?"

"Course not."

"Then what else is it? Where did you have to be that you traded nights with Tobias?"

"It doesn't matter."

"I think it matters a hell of a lot or you wouldn't be overdosing on Corona every damn day and bringing home a different senorita every night for the first three weeks you were here."

It was a long time before Gibbs spoke again. The sun was relentless in its pounding heat. There was light breeze off the water but that wasn't going to be much relief today. Way out in the water he could see a fishing boat. It made him wish for his boat and some open water to sail her on.

"I wanted to see Kate, a woman I know. I went over to her house. She wasn't expecting me but I wanted to see her and talk to her. I wanted to try and get her to give us another chance." Jethro stopped and looked down at his hands. "I'm not sure I can tell you this Mike. I messed up real bad and I'm not sure I can tell you about it."

Mike at least had some idea who Kate was but he didn't say anything at this point. Jethro was having a hard enough time getting this out as it was and he didn't want to derail his thought process.

"You know I won't judge you, Jethro. It isn't the first time you've screwed up and I don't like what you're doing now so you might as well give me the whole story."

"Right. So, she let me in and we were in the kitchen. She wanted to know why I was there and I told her I wanted her to give us another chance. We had lived together for a while but she had left three or four months ago. Anyway, she said she didn't think that was a good idea. I kissed her. She didn't want me to but I just kept on. She tried to push me away but I pinned her hands with one hand and I tore her shirt. I don't know what happened to me, I just lost it and I couldn't seem to stop. I pushed her against the wall and. . .she was fighting me but she's not very big. . . She kept yelling at me to stop and then she just quit fighting me. She was crying and she just said in a soft voice that I was hurting her. That stopped me cold. Suddenly I just backed off and let her go. I stood there looking at her crying and afraid of me and I wanted to die right then. I love her, Mike, and I was hurting her. I've never raised my hand to a woman or done anything like that before. I just turned and left. I went home and drank a bottle of bourbon and hoped I wouldn't wake up."

"Damn."

"I told you it was bad."

"What happened?"

"Naturally I passed out under the boat. DiNozzo came looking for me the next morning when I didn't show up for work. He peeled me off the basement floor and dumped me in the shower. I don't know what he thought happened but he never asked. He told me what had happened with the FBI team. They had tried to call me but of course I couldn't hear the phone since I was drowning in a bottle of Jack. I barely managed to pull it together and go back to work and we were able to nail the guy a week later. Shot him when he tried to run from us."

"What about Kate?"

"What about her?"

"You call her? Apologize to her?"

"No."

"Why the hell not? You say you love this woman but you don't apologize for almost raping her? What the hell is wrong with you, Jethro?"

"I don't know, alright." Gibbs was standing now, shouting. "I don't know what the hell happened."

"So you just ran away from her? That working for you Probie? You feeling better, you getting any clarity on the situation from here?"

"What do you want from me Mike? I just needed to get away and have some time to work it out."

"So I'll ask again, you think getting drunk every damn day and screwing a different young girl every night is working it out? Not to mention getting yourself beat half to death."

"I'm through talking, Mike. If you want me to leave I will, but I'm through talking for today."

"Then just stand there and listen. I sure ain't no paragon of virtue; I drink and I bring home a lady occasionally but what you're doing Jethro, well it's just not you. You're better than what you've been showing me since you got here. You're better than what you did to this Kate you say you love."

"I'm not so sure about that Mike. Not anymore."

"Well I am."

Jethro limped off across the beach and straight into the water. He wanted to hit something or someone. Actually the person he wanted to hurt was himself so he'd come to Baja to drink himself to death and sleep with whoever wanted to come home with him. Mike was right, that was not who he was; not really. Yes, he drank and yes, he'd had women in his life but he had never been indiscriminate and reckless in his personal life. He honestly didn't know what had happened that night in Kate's kitchen. He had been trying to see her for weeks but their schedules just never allowed it. She had been willing to go to dinner with him but that damned case kept getting in the way. He had never been so frustrated by a killer in his career. But, that was just an excuse and not a very good one.

When Ducky hung up from talking to Mike on Wednesday morning he was very worried about Jethro. He had seen him several times the last two weeks he was in DC before he suddenly left and he was concerned then. He had thought at the time that Jethro was unusually bothered by the case they had been working but now he wondered if it was something with Kate that was to blame. Ever since Kate had moved out Jethro had been difficult but that was nothing new. But, that last week especially he had been unreachable. Now, Dr. Mallard thought he at least knew who to talk to about his concerns. He pulled out a file and found Kate's number at the Treasury Dept.

"Agent Todd, may I help you?"

"Caitlyn my dear, it's Ducky. How are you?"

"I'm fine Ducky. How nice to hear from you. Do you have a case I can help with?"

"Not a case my dear but I do need your help. Can you meet me for lunch today?"

Kate looked at her calendar and wondered momentarily what this was about. Whatever it was she was very fond of Dr. Mallard and certainly could not turn down his request but she couldn't do it today.

"I'm sorry Ducky I can't today. Would tomorrow be alright?"

"That will be fine. You name the place."

Kate suggested a small café she knew Ducky liked and they agreed to meet at 11:30 Thursday. When Kate hung up she let her thoughts wander to Jethro. She had tried several times in the past few weeks contact him but her calls went unanswered and her messages unreturned. Finally she had given up trying but she still worried about him. What had happened in her kitchen that night was so far out of character for Jethro that she was convinced something was wrong with him and she worried about him. After all, she loved him.

When Kate arrived for lunch the next day Ducky was waiting for her near the door. At his request they were shown to a quiet table near the back . Between the two of them it was hard to say who was more nervous about the meeting. After being served their drinks and ordering lunch Kate decided to dive right in.

"Ducky it is wonderful to see you. Can you tell me if Jethro is alright?"

"Why do you ask my dear?"

"I've been trying to call him for weeks and I can't get in touch with him. He's not at home. Please tell me he's alright."

"Jethro is in Mexico with Mike Franks. As to whether or not he's alright, I suppose the honest answer is no, he's not."

"I knew it! What's wrong? Why is he with Mike?"

"Kate, my dear if I may be so bold. Did something happen between you and Jethro in the last few weeks?"

Kate looked down at her hands and when she looked up at Ducky he could see the sheen of unshed tears in her eyes. He reached across the table and covered her hand with his.

"I was afraid so. Can you tell me what happened? I spoke with Mike yesterday and Jethro is in a very bad way right now. He's not talking to Mike. I'm hoping you can shed some light on what's going on with him."

Kate took a deep breath then waited while the waiter served their lunches.

"I guess it all started the day I moved out and then I didn't see Jethro again until two months later when I was called in on the counterfeiting case he was working. We met that evening to talk. He wanted to know why I'd left because of course, he never read the letter I left him. I told him why and then he asked if we could try again. I said no. He asked if I'd at least have dinner with him and I said yes. We could never get it worked out. Either I was working or he was. We tried for weeks but finally I just decided to give up. I told him it obviously wasn't meant to be but he didn't agree."

Kate stopped and took a drink of her tea and a bite of her salad. She knew what she was about to tell Ducky was going to upset him but if Jethro was really in bad shape then Ducky had to know the truth to help him.

"One Friday night about a month ago Jethro showed up at my apartment, uninvited and unannounced. I let him in and he followed me to the kitchen where I was fixing myself some supper. I asked him what he wanted and he said he wanted us to try again. He asked me to give him another chance but I said no. I told him nothing had changed and I doubted he was really willing to change the things that caused me to leave in the first place. He got up in my space and then he kissed me. I tried to stop him but he was determined. He backed me against the wall and held my hands with one of his and then he ripped my blouse open. I tried to make him stop but he was just so. . .I don't know how to describe it. It was as if he was another person. Jethro had never, ever been like that with me. He was always very respectful and gentle with me.

"I thought about fighting him but he was not himself and I was afraid to provoke him. I never believed he would actually hurt me. When he reached for the button on my pants I started to cry. I told him he was hurting me and he instantly stopped. He looked at me like he was seeing me for the first time. He let go of my hands and then he wiped away my tears with his thumb and he turned and walked out. The look on his face was just so sad and, I don't know, almost like he was shocked at what he'd done. I got myself together and about an hour later I called him but he didn't answer. I haven't been able to find him since that night."

Ducky was shocked at what Kate had told him. He had known Jethro Gibbs for a very long time and he had never known him to be the least bit aggressive toward a woman. He didn't know what to say to Kate.

"Caitlyn, I'm stunned. I would never have imagined Jethro would behave in such a manner toward you. I don't know what to say."

"It's okay, Ducky. I know that was not the Jethro I love. Something snapped that night. I know Jethro would never hurt me intentionally. Do you know what was going on with him at that time?"

"He and Fornell were chasing a serial killer. They had been at it for weeks and everyone was very frustrated by their lack of success. That's no excuse however. May I ask why you left Jethro those months ago?"

"I told him I felt like he was keeping part of his life from me. Sometimes he went to a place emotionally where I couldn't reach him. I told him that I needed my partner to be honest with me and be willing to share himself emotionally as well as physically. I didn't think Jethro was able or willing to do that. He used to just shut down and there was nothing I could do to get through to him. I told him I wasn't asking him to change, I was just telling him why I couldn't stay with him."

"When did you tell him all this?"

"We met on the Mall the evening of the day I was at NCIS about the counterfeit money his team had found. Probably about three or four weeks before he came to the apartment."

"Caitlyn, do you still love him?"

"I think so but sometimes I think it's just too hard to love him. I just don't think it should be so much work. Am I wrong?"

"Well, Jethro does come with his challenges but I'd say he's worth it. Of course I'm not a woman and as we know several have found him not worth the effort."

"Do you know why he shuts down sometimes? Why he has such a tight hold on his emotions sometimes?"

Ducky thought about that for a few minutes as he used eating his lunch as a stall tactic. He did know why Jethro was so closed off sometimes but he didn't think it was his place to share that with Caitlyn if Jethro had not done so.

"Yes, my dear I believe I do but I'm not comfortable talking about something that should come from Jethro. I do feel confident in saying that he cares for you very much. I can't explain or excuse his recent behavior but I believe he does have very strong feelings for you."

"Then why did he just let me walk away? Why didn't he call me after I left?"

"I believe you told him not to call you or look for you. He was respecting your wishes."

"Oh for goodness sake, Ducky, why didn't he just ignore that? What man listens to that kind of thing?"

"The kind of man who has been hurt repeatedly by the women he loved and who finds it very difficult to entrust his heart to another one."

Ducky wasn't sure if that was exactly the right thing to say or the worst thing he could have told her. Kate lost the battle she had been fighting since she sat down and tears cascaded silently down her face. Ducky decided to let her have a few moments to collect herself. He ate his lunch and pondered how much of what Mike had told him he should share with Kate. It was obvious to him that this very upset young woman still had strong feelings for his friend and he was tempted to use those feelings in an attempt to help Jethro.

"Ducky, you said earlier that Jethro is not okay. What exactly does that mean?"

He decided to be honest with her. "Jethro was in the hospital this past weekend. He was attacked Saturday by four men and beaten very badly."

"Oh my god. How badly is he hurt?"

"He has a broken rib and some pretty significant bruising and swelling in his face. One of his knees was injured and he may have some damage there. He was released Sunday."

"What else is going on? Why did these men attack Jethro?"

"According to Mike, Jethro has been drinking to great excess since he got there. He has been taking young women home and he took the wrong one home last week which is what led to his beating. Apparently the young woman's brother took exception to Jethro's being with his sister. Mike says Jethro won't talk to him about why he left DC. However, while he was sitting with Jethro at the hospital he heard him calling out your name and asking you to forgive him. That's why Mike called me yesterday; he wanted to know who you are and what happened to send Jethro off on this self destructive path."

Kate studied her salad for a long time. Finally she looked up and met Ducky's gaze. She could see the concern for Jethro on his face and something else too. She hoped it was a least a bit of concern for her and understanding of her feelings.

"What should I do Ducky?"

"I think that depends on what you want, my dear. I assume that you moved in with Jethro because you cared for him and hoped to have a future with him. If you still want that I suggest you find a way to let him know. If you have decided despite your feelings for him, that being in a relationship with him is too difficult then you needn't do anything. I will go to Mexico and deal with our friend and bring him home."

"I do still care for him Ducky but I just don't know if I can live with a man who doesn't trust me."

"Have you considered that perhaps he doesn't trust himself? Or that he has reason to be cautious when it comes to baring his soul to his lover? Jethro has no experience of loving a woman who is willing to stand by him and love him unconditionally."

"Well I certainly haven't done anything to change that have I?"

"Not yet."

For the first time since their conversation had begun Kate smiled. "How long do you think he'll be in Mexico?"

"I believe he has another three or four weeks of leave but I understand from Mike that he may need to come home to see about his knee."

"I have some leave coming. I could use some time in the sun and maybe I can bring Jethro home. Just one more thing Ducky. This thing that Jethro can't talk about; is it something horrible that will hurt us later?"

"No my dear. I assure you it is not about anything Jethro has done in the past. It concerns something that happened to him. Give him time and show him you love him and I guarantee he'll tell you."

"Thank you Ducky. I never meant to hurt Jethro, I hope you can believe me. I do love him. He's just so damned hard to talk to sometimes I want to scream."

"Kate you must remember that Jethro is coming to you with a lot of history and a lot of heartache. Don't expect him to change too terribly much. He may mellow with time and love but he is who he will be. If you can't accept that then I beg you not to go after him. He doesn't deserve to be hurt again."

"I understand. Thank you for being so honest with me Ducky. Maybe I should think about it for a day or two and then decide. I have to go to Chicago this evening for a conference and won't be home until Sunday afternoon. I'll let you know what I decide to do."

"I think it's wise to take some time to made your decision. If you choose to go to him I'll give you the address and phone number for Mike."

When Ducky got back to the Navy Yard he called Mike. It was late morning in Baja. Unbeknownst to Ducky, Jethro had just stalked off to the beach after his confession to Mike. When his phone rang Mike had to search for the darn thing for so long he almost missed Ducky's call.

"That you Ducky?"

"Yes, Mike, can you talk?"

"Yeah, Jethro's down at the beach sulking. I finally got him to tell me what happened. It's not good Ducky."

"No it isn't. I've just come from having lunch with Kate. She told me what happened between the two of them. I must say I'm shocked by Jethro's behavior. Did he tell you he more or less attacked Kate in her own home?"

"Yeah he told me. He's beating himself up about that on top of what happened with the serial killer and the FBI agent. He's a royal mess Ducky. Any chance this Kate is the forgiving sort?"

"Yes, she has already forgiven him. In fact she tried to call him that night because she was so worried about him. She said he was acting completely out of character and she thought something was wrong with him. I believe she still loves Jethro but she's put off by his tendency to shut down and keep secrets from her."

"You mean Shannon and Kelly. I'm not surprised. What do you recommend I do?"

"Do you have any idea when he plans to come home?"

"No, but I think it needs to be pretty soon. He says the knee isn't that bad but it's pretty swollen and he really can't put any weight on it to speak of. Tell you what, I'll see if I can get him on a plane this weekend. I'll call you and let you know. Thanks for your help, Ducky."

"No problem. Let me know if I can do anything further."

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

A/N Thanks for the reviews and alerts. This is a short chapter. Next one is coming soon and it will be the conclusion.

**Giving Up**

Dr. Donald Mallard was a romantic at heart. He had watched his dear friend Jethro suffer through three failed marriages and several less than stellar relationships over the years. He had also seen his friend light up when he first laid eyes on Caitlyn Todd on Air Force One over a year ago. He had watched Jethro fall in love with Kate and then seen him shut down again when she left. If he could get those two together in the same room for a couple of hours he was sure they could work out their differences and get their relationship back on track. At least that's what his romantic side was telling him. His practical side was telling him that Jethro would likely attempt to do him bodily harm if he interfered in his personal life. Well, he thought, I'll just have to risk it!

Mike thought for a long time that morning about what Jethro had told him and what Ducky had reported. He was convinced Jethro needed to go home and face Kate no matter what happened. He also knew his friend needed to see a doctor about his knee if he ever wanted to go back to work. He loved Jethro and wanted him to be happy so Mike knew it was time to push his Probie back toward his own home and his own life.

While Mike and Ducky were having their talk and Mike was deciding what to do next, Jethro was making some decisions of his own. First of all he had to go home; the knee was killing him and he needed to get it fixed so he could go back to work. He wasn't ready to retire just yet. Secondly he had to apologize to Kate and then move on with his life. When he and Kate first began dating he had had a lot of reservations about them as a couple. He thought he was too old for her, too set in his ways and much too much of a bastard. All those things on top of three divorces added up to him being a very bad choice for the young, beautiful Caitlyn Todd. Over the first few weeks of them seeing each other Kate had slowly but surely convinced him she didn't care about age, or divorces or his work hours or even his frequent bad moods. She convinced him to give them a chance. She persuaded him with lots of tenderness and affection and understanding. Then they moved in together and three months later she was gone. As much as he hated to admit it, he had been right in the beginning and he knew now he should have trusted his gut and not gotten involved with Kate. No matter how much it was going to hurt he knew he had to let go of the idea of getting back together with her. He was going home and leaving that dream on the sand in Baja.

When Jethro got back to the cabin Mike was ready to convince him it was time to go home. He didn't have to do much convincing as Jethro had come to the same conclusion by himself.

"Listen Probie, if you ever intend to go back to work you need to get that knee fixed. I think you need to go home and see a doctor before it's too late to fix the problem."

"You're right, Mike."

"I am? Boy that was easy. You feelin' okay?"

"Not really but you're still right. The knee's messed up and since I'm not ready to retire I need to go home and get it fixed. And I need to fix things with Kate. I need to apologize and then let her go and get on with my own life."

"You mean you're giving up on her?"

"I guess you could call it that. I prefer to think of it as coming to my senses. It was a mistake to get involved with her in the first place. She realized that a long time ago and now I have too."

"What if she doesn't agree with you?"

"She does. She made it clear enough I just wasn't willing to see it. She's been through with me for months. I'm going to call Ducky and see if he can get me in to see my doc in the next couple of days then I'll call the airlines."

Jethro limped off to his room to find his phone. Mike thought he'd never seen him look so defeated. He wondered if he should tell him about his conversation with Ducky. He decided not to. Better to let Ducky handle that when Jethro got home. If anyone could figure out how to get Jethro and Kate back together it was Dr. Mallard.

Jethro took his phone out onto the porch and called Ducky.

"Hey Duck, how are you?"

Ducky knew Mike would not have told Jethro about his call so he pretended he didn't know what was happening in Mexico.

"Hello, my friend. I'm fine. How are you? Enjoying the sun and the sand?"

"Not really. Listen, Duck, can you call Frank Ryan for me and tell him I need an MRI on my knee? I'll be coming home in the next couple of days."

"What happened Jethro?"

"It's a long story that I'd rather talk to you about when I get back. Can you call Frank and then get back to me?"

"Of course. I'll do it now and call you back today. Are you alright?"

"Getting there, Duck."

Jethro called the airline and made a reservation for the day after tomorrow. By the time he was finished with that Ducky was calling him back.

"Jethro, Frank can see you on Monday morning. Will you be back by then?

"Yes, I'll be home Saturday evening. Thanks Duck."

"Do you want me to pick you up Jethro?"

"That would be great if you don't mind. I get into Dulles at 6:20 on American."

"I'll be there."

"Thanks Duck."

Jethro spent the next two days finishing up what he could for Mike. He drank nothing but coffee and water and spent most of his time swimming in the surf which was good exercise and didn't hurt his knee like walking did. In the evenings he and Mike talked about old times.

"I'm sorry about the way I've acted since I got here Mike. I appreciate you not pushing. This business with Kate really messed with my mind. Sometimes I forget that I'm not cut out to be in a long term relationship."

"You just need the right woman, Jethro. Tell me about Kate."

"Why? That's over."

"Then what's the harm in telling me about her?"

"Whatta ya wanna know?"

"How'd she catch you?"

Jethro laughed and thought about that for a few moments. They were sitting on the porch enjoying the nighttime breeze blowing in off the water. The moon was bright in the sky and there were millions more stars visible than he ever saw in DC. He wished he could stay in this place, under different circumstances, forever.

"She smiled at me first then she threatened to shoot me."

"Sounds like my kind of woman."

"Oh you'd love Kate." Jethro went on to tell Mike about the case on Air Force One that had resulted in his meeting Kate. "We went out a few times and I honestly tried to tell her I wasn't good for her. But. . .she said she didn't care about all the divorces and the job stress and long hours. After all she was gone a lot too and she had a pretty stressful job. After about year of seeing each other semi-regularly she moved in with me. That lasted three months before she left me a note on the kitchen table and moved out."

"What'd the note say?"

"Never read it."

"You ever talk about why she left?"

"Yeah, about two months or so later she was in our office to look at some counterfeit money we'd found. We talked that night."

"You gonna tell me what she said or make me guess?"

"She said she left because she felt like I was keeping something from her. She said I go to a place where she can't reach me. Said I'm emotionally distant sometimes."

"So you haven't told her about Shannon and Kelly."

"No."

"You think you could if it meant getting her back?"

"I guess I don't think I should have to. I guess I expected her to trust me. That was a long time ago and they don't have anything to do with how I feel about Kate."

"No but they have something to do with how you love her, how you relate to her."

Jethro wanted to get defensive and maybe angry but for some reason he didn't. He knew Mike was right. Shannon's death and especially the loss of his only child, informed everything Jethro did and how he related to everyone. That was especially true of the women he let himself love. His inability or outright refusal to completely open himself up to another person was what had doomed his marriages. Now it had contributed mightily to the failure of his relationship with Kate.

"Well, it doesn't matter now anyway. Kate and I are through."

"What if that isn't true? What are you willing to do to have that second chance you wanted so badly?"

Jethro looked over at his friend. "Do you know something I don't?"

Mike considered his response for a while. He smoked his cigarette and finished his beer. Jethro was leaving in the morning and he wanted his friend to have the best possible chance to work things out with Kate. Maybe he should tell him what Ducky had said so Jethro could be thinking more positively on the way home. Mike knew how hard it was to change Jethro's mind once he'd made it up. If he went all the way home set on ending this thing with Kate for good it might be nearly impossible for her and Ducky to change his mind.

"When you were in the hospital and even after you came back here you called out for Kate in your sleep. You were asking her to forgive you and telling her you were sorry. That got me to wondering so I called Ducky. I told him what was happening here and he told me who Kate is."

Jethro started to interrupt but Mike held up his hand and silenced him. "Let me finish before you jump in. I called because I was worried about you. I knew something serious had to have happened in DC for you to be so off track down here. I wanted to help you but I was working blind so I called the only other person I knew you trusted and who might know what the hell was going on. He talked to Kate."

Now Jethro was really getting upset. He stood up and walked to the edge of the porch. Mike was afraid he was going to walk away but instead he turned around and came back to his chair.

"Go on. I need to know what she told Ducky."

"The same thing you told me. And she told him she has been trying to find you ever since that night. In fact she called you about an hour after you left her apartment because she was worried about you. She told Ducky she knows you didn't mean to hurt her. She has already forgiven you Jethro. She loves you. I think you have a shot here Probie but you have some work to do. The first thing you have to do is forgive yourself and then sit down with this woman and figure out just how much she means to you and what you're willing to do to get her back in your life if that's what you want."

"Honestly, Mike I'm not sure what I want. I do love Kate but I don't want to get back with her only to have her leave in a few months. I'm too old for all that."

"Well she has some work to do too I'd say but maybe if you both want it you can make it happen. Tell me about her Jethro."

"She could make me laugh no matter how bad my day had been. She's tough and smart and she's not afraid of me. Kate is the most passionate woman I've ever known; she's all in all the time. She didn't push for me to talk all the time. I guess now I know she wanted to. I loved being with her. I loved coming home and having her there. I loved waking up with her. I thought we were happy. I guess I wasn't paying attention or something because her leaving caught me totally by surprise."

"Don't write this off yet. Go home, get your knee fixed and get back to work. See Kate and talk to her. Really talk, Probie. And listen to her talk. If you hold back on her she'll know it and all this crap you've gone through for the past month will have been wasted. Figure out what you really want, not what you think you deserve or what you think you can live with; what you WANT. Then find out what she wants and go from there. My money is on you two working it out. You deserve to be happy, Probie and it sounds to me like Kate makes you happy. Make it happen."

Jethro laid awake that last night in Mexico and tried to figure out exactly what he did want. Yesterday he was sure he should give up his dream of getting Kate back and move on with his solitary life. He was prepared to go back to devoting all his time to his job and his boat. He had convinced himself that was what was best and he was okay with it. Jethro was used to being alone and when he wanted some female companionship he never had trouble finding it. Maybe he was better off with an occasional date and forgetting the long term relationship idea.

The next morning Mike drove Jethro to the small airport in a nearby town and he began the day long journey back to DC. The two men embraced outside the terminal and Mike wished Jethro good luck. The younger man thanked his mentor and friend for sheltering him for the past month. As Jethro limped off to the boarding area Mike said a silent prayer that his Probie would soon find the happiness that had eluded him for so long.

Ducky met Jethro at the end of his long travel day. By the time he got home his knee was swollen and very painful. Sitting all day in cramped airline seats had been near torture. Ducky suggested a hot shower and then an ice pack. Jethro was finally stretched out on his couch, ice bag on his knee and a glass of bourbon in his hand. Ducky was relaxing in a chair across the room watching his friend unwind from his trip.

"Have you been in touch with the Director yet?"

"Yeah, I called and told him I'd hurt my knee and would need a few more days depending on what the test showed."

"Tony has been doing a good job in your absence but it will be good to have you back Jethro."

"I'm ready to get back to work. I needed the time away but now it's time to get on with my life."

"If I may be so bold, how does Caitlyn figure into that life?"

"Honestly, I don't know. I have a feeling I should give her my apology and then walk away and let her move on. What's your opinion?"

"Well, I was stunned when she told me about your last encounter but I'll not judge you, Jethro. I know you were under an enormous amount of stress at that time. That doesn't excuse your behavior of course but it isn't my place to hold you accountable. That is for you and Caitlyn to do. Having said that, I will say that as well as I know you I can imagine the first thing you need to do after you apologize to Kate is to forgive yourself. She has already forgiven you."

"That's exactly what Mike said. Easier said than done I'm afraid."

"Beating yourself up serves no purpose, Jethro. Do you still care for her?"

"Yes, but I'm not sure I'm willing to risk loving her again. It hurt too much when she left and it will hurt just as much or more the next time."

"What makes you so sure there would be a next time if you managed to repair your relationship?"

"Come on Duck. Maybe it wouldn't happen in a few months or even in a year or two but eventually Kate would wake up and realize she had made a bad choice. Kate is young and beautiful and has an unlimited future ahead of her. She should be with someone who can give her children and all the things she deserves."

"And that person is not you?"

"Not hardly."

"You wouldn't want to have a child or two with Caitlyn?"

Jethro looked over the rim of his glass at his friend. This conversation was going in a strange direction and he wondered where they were heading.

"Why are you asking?"

"Just following your lead, Jethro. You brought up children not me. You're certainly not too old to be a father and you have a wonderful way with children. I just wonder why you imagine that wouldn't be something you could do with Kate."

"Well, first of all she left me. Secondly she thinks I'm emotionally distant so I doubt she'd want to have children with me. Finally, I don't know if I have what it would take to make a relationship work with her."

"You won't know until you see her and talk to her. I think you'll find that she may be willing to work things out. Just think about it."

"That's all I've thought about for weeks."

"Then a few more days won't hurt. I better go. I bought a few groceries for you this afternoon so you won't starve in the next few days. Do you want me to take you to your appointment?"

"No thanks. Thank you for the groceries. And the ride home. I'll let you know what Frank says. Good night Duck."

After Ducky left, Jethro fixed himself a sandwich, took two pain pills and went to bed. He spent most of Sunday on the couch with his knee up. He went through all his mail and slept a good deal of the day. Of course he thought about Kate. He thought about how much he had liked having her live with him and how hard it had been when she left. By the time he fell into bed late Sunday night he had decided to stop worrying about her and concentrate on getting back in shape to go back to work. After all, he couldn't make any decisions about Kate until he knew where she stood on the whole thing. If she wanted to restart their relationship he knew deep down he wouldn't say no. He loved her and if it meant risking getting hurt again to have her back in his life and his home he was willing to do it.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N Thanks again for all the reviews and alerts. Here is the conclusion of my little story. I hope you won't be disappointed.

**Giving Up**

While Ducky and Jethro were discussing whether or not he and Kate should have children together Kate was sitting through the evening session of a very boring conference on recent developments in counterfeiting. Kate tried to pay attention but told herself she would read the material when she got back to her room. She let her mind wander to Jethro and her conversation with Ducky. She knew she still loved him but she wondered if she had let things go too long to work it out with him. If she knew anything about Jethro it was that he was not easily moved once he made up his mind. She was afraid all the time they had been apart had given him the opportunity to realize he was okay being on his own again.

It had taken her weeks to convince Jethro to give them a chance in the first place and now Kate knew she had miscalculated when she moved out. She had thought he would come after her and they would talk and work things out within a week or two. When he didn't come after her she let her pride take over and she resolved not to go back to him first. The more she thought about how she had treated him the less likely Kate thought it was Jethro would give them another chance. If she was really honest with herself she had to admit it was an immature decision to leave the way she did. She and Jethro weren't kids trying out a relationship; they were adults in a supposedly committed relationship and she had thrown it away. The seminar finally ended and Kate headed to her room where she would order room service and try not to think about what she had let get away from her.

Weather delayed Kate's flight and it was late when she got back to DC on Sunday night. She had planned to call Ducky to check on Jethro when she got home but it was after 10:00 by the time they landed so she decided to wait until Monday morning. Jethro tried to call Kate Sunday evening but when her voice mail picked up he didn't leave a message. He went to bed wondering what the week ahead would bring.

Luckily, Jethro didn't need knee surgery after all. Dr. Ryan drained quite a bit of fluid off the knee and fitted Jethro with a knee brace he was to wear for two weeks.

"I think if you stay off this leg as much as possible and wear the brace like I told you the knee should be fine in a couple of weeks at the most. No running for a while; just see how it feels in a couple of weeks. You have a very slight cartilage tear but I don't think it merits any surgery. If you're not pain free in a week let me know. If it swells up again let me know. Okay?"

"Sure Frank. Thanks. I can go back to work right?"

"Yeah, just don't think you're going to be chasing down any dirt bags anytime soon."

"I'll let DiNozzo do the running for a few weeks."

"Alright, take care my friend."

Jethro left the hospital at 11:00 and went to the Navy Yard. He didn't want to go home and sit anymore; he wanted to get back to work even it meant he was more or less deskbound for a week or so. It would be good to see his team and catch up on what they'd been working on. When he walked off the elevator he was glad to see everyone seemed to be working.

"Hey Boss, welcome back. What happened to your knee? You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little accident while I was at Mike's. Got it drained this morning. What are you guys working on?

"Nothing at the moment. Just finished up a crazy drug deal gone bad. Here's the file." Tony handed him the case file and Jethro sat down at his desk, happy to be back where he belonged.

Fifteen minutes later he looked up and said, "You guys did good work here. Looks like you had it cracked in just two days. Good job."

"Thanks Boss."

"I'm going down to see Abby and Ducky."

Jethro managed to survive his welcome home hug from Abby then went to autopsy to see if Ducky was available for lunch.

"Hey, Duck, got time for lunch?"

"Why hello, Jethro. Yes, I was just about to go out for a bite. What did Dr. Ryan say about your knee?"

"He drained it and said I just needed to wear a brace for a couple of weeks and no running."

"That's good news. Come on let's go eat."

After lunch Jethro returned to his desk and spent the afternoon reading through the cases his team had handled in his absence. He met with the Director and they agreed he would come back to work on limited duty for a week then full duty the next week. By 4:30 the only thing he could think about was what he was going to say to Kate when he called her later. He had decided while talking with Ducky at lunch that he would call her tonight and ask to see her. He was going to go to her apartment, apologize to her and then see where that took them. Ducky seemed to think Kate wanted to come back but Jethro refused to hold out any hope in that regard. He didn't want to be disappointed if she just accepted his apology and closed the door in his face.

Kate's Monday was very busy and she never got a chance to call Ducky. She had no idea Jethro was back in DC so when her phone rang at 6:20 that evening she answered expecting it to be one of her friends from work.

"Hello."

"Hello, Kate."

"Jethro! Where are you calling from?"

"I'm at home. Could I come over and see you for a few minutes?"

"Well, sure I guess so. When did you get home?"

"Saturday night. I'll be there in little while if that's okay."

"Of course, Jethro. Come on, I'll be here."

Kate hung up and just stood in the middle of her kitchen in a daze. She had been trying to plan what she would say when she saw him again and now he was going to be in her apartment in less than twenty minutes. She was not ready. She had no real plan of action; no speech or dialogue planned and rehearsed. She looked at her reflection in the glass window of the microwave and grimaced. Kate flew to her bedroom and got out of her sweats and tee shirt and pulled on some jeans and a cotton sweater. She brushed her teeth and freshened her make-up. As she was brushing her hair Kate looked at herself in the mirror and stopped what she was doing. She had been keeping herself busy so she didn't have to think. That was a mistake. Kate knew that when she laid eyes on Jethro she would not be able to think clearly. She told herself she better think clearly right now about what she was going to say to him and make sure she was ready when she answered that door. Too late. The doorbell chimed and Kate closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

Standing in the hallway outside Kate's apartment, Jethro wasn't really nervous. He was remembering the last time he was here and hating himself all over again. He just wanted to say what he needed to say and be done with this. Then he was going home and get reacquainted with his boat and a glass of bourbon. He took some deep breaths and waited for Kate to come to the door.

Steeling herself against the memory of his last visit Kate opened the door. Neither of them spoke for what seemed like a long time. Kate took in the bruises still evident on his face and Jethro thought she looked tired but still as beautiful as ever.

Finally he spoke, "May I come in?"

Kate shook herself, "Of course, I'm sorry. Come in. How are you? Ducky told me you were attacked, are you alright? How's the knee?"

"I'm fine Kate. The knee's okay."

Kate walked toward the living room. "Come in and sit down. Have you eaten? I could fix us something."

"Kate, relax. I'll just stay a few minutes. I came to apologize to you for how I acted the last time I was here. I'm sorry I treated you that way. Sorry I hurt you; I can't explain what happened but I am so sorry."

"It's alright Jethro."

"No, it's not alright. But I can't take it back. All I can do is promise you it will never happen again."

"I know. I just meant that I forgive you. I knew at the time you weren't yourself. I'm not afraid of you Jethro, I know you would never hurt me."

"Thank you. That's really all I came for. I've wanted to apologize to you for weeks but it took me some time to get my head straight. I'll let you get back to your evening. Good bye Kate."

"Jethro wait. Is that all you came for?"

"Yes."

"What about that second chance you wanted?"

Jethro sighed. He knew they had to have this conversation but he wasn't sure he wanted to do it right now. He looked at Kate and saw a beautiful, young woman that he was still crazy about. He took in the dark brown eyes that were searching his for some sign of how he felt. He let his eyes roam over her lustrous hair, her lips that he knew were so soft and no doubt could still reduce him to begging. He thought about how it felt to have her hands on his body, teasing and torturing him. He wanted all that and so much more. Then he remembered how it felt when she drove away all those months ago. The empty, gut wrenching pain of waking up with her gone. He didn't want that again.

"You made yourself pretty clear on that Kate and I'm going to respect what you want. We had a good thing for a while but you're right when you say I have some issues that keep me from being completely open with you. That hasn't changed and I can't promise you it will anytime soon. Let's not cause each other any more pain."

Jethro turned and started for the door. Kate knew if she let him walk away now she might not get him back again. He had just made one of the longest statements of their brief time together and she wanted to keep him talking. Of course that meant she would have to do some taking of her own.

"What if I've changed my mind? What if I want us to try again?"

Jethro stopped but didn't turn around. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to think. He replayed what Mike and Ducky had said to him in the past several days. He thought about how miserable he had been without Kate. He just couldn't think anymore. He decided to trust his gut. Jethro turned around and walked back toward Kate. When he was mere inches from her he stopped and looked into her eyes.

"I can't do this again, Kate. I love you. But I can't start back up with you if I'm going to lose you in a few months or even a year. It hurts too much and I won't do it again."

"You love me?"

"Yes. I thought you knew that."

Tears were sliding down her cheeks and Kate couldn't look at him anymore. Her head bowed and Jethro immediately took her in his arms holding her snugly against his chest. He felt her arms wrap around his waist as Kate cried and held onto him for dear life. After a few minutes the crying stopped but Kate stayed pressed against him. As delicious as that was, Jethro's knee was beginning to ache and he desperately needed to sit down. He hated to give up the wonderful feeling of Kate wrapped around him but he didn't have much choice.

"Katie I need to sit down."

"Oh gosh, I'm sorry Jethro. Come on." She took him by the hand and led him to the couch.

Jethro gladly sank into the cushions and put his leg up on the coffee table. Kate stood in front of him drying her tears and trying to figure out what to do next.

"I know you haven't eaten Jethro. Will you stay and have some supper with me at least? I want us to talk about all this."

Jethro looked at her and realized how much he had missed having her near. His resolve to leave this alone was weakening-if it was ever that strong in the first place-and he felt himself being drawn back in by that beautiful smile and those gorgeous brown eyes. Plus, he was starving and something smelled very good in the kitchen.

"I could eat. And we can talk."

"Okay, you just relax and I'll get it together. Fifteen minutes tops. You want a beer?"

"Sure, thanks."

Kate disappeared into the kitchen and came a few moments later with a cold beer.

"You don't have to wait on me Kate. Can I help with anything?"

"No, I'm just going to throw a salad together. I have some leftover lasagna in the oven. I'll holler when I'm ready." She turned to go but stopped and turned back to look at him. "I've missed you Jethro." Before he could respond she disappeared back into the kitchen.

Jethro drank his beer and made one last effort to sort out what he wanted. He thought about what Mike had said about figuring out what he wanted and then making it happen. Easier said than done most of the time. Until she left, Jethro thought he wanted to make a life with Kate. Even in the weeks following her moving out he wanted her back, wanted to start again. After a while though he just wanted to stop feeling anything and get back to his own life with his job and his boat and his bourbon for comfort. Then everything fell apart even further and he wanted to disappear so he went to Mike and tried to lose himself in beer and women and the hot sun. Nothing worked. So. . .what did he really want?

"Jethro, it's ready."

"Okay, coming." The elusive answer would have to wait until after dinner. Jethro got up and made his way to the kitchen where Kate had set table for them.

They ate in mostly comfortable silence. Kate had learned long ago that Jethro was not one for a lot of small talk and that was fine with her. The spoke briefly about Mexico and his knee and Kate talked about a couple of interesting cases she was working on. She said she didn't miss the Presidential detail with all its traveling and high stress situations. Jethro was secretly pleased she was no long in that particular job.

When they had finished eating, Jethro helped Kate clear the table and clean up the kitchen. They moved around each other easily as if they had been doing it for months. Which they had, but of course, not recently. Kate put the last glass in the dishwasher and turned around to find Jethro watching her intently. She looked back at him trying her best to hold his gaze. In the past she never let the famed 'Gibbs glare' intimidate her but things were different now. It wasn't as easy to stay focused on those fabulous blue eyes now that she wasn't sure what she was seeing there. It used to be only desire and need and love but tonight she couldn't read him. Finally she looked away and asked if he wanted coffee or something else.

"Why don't we just sit down and see what needs to be sorted out."

"Okay."

Jethro turned and headed back to the living room. He took up his previous place on the couch and Kate sat sideways at the other end so she could look at him while they talked. They sat for a few moments, each of them gathering their thoughts but neither wanting to start. When it seemed she was content to wait him out Jethro decided to get started.

"Ladies first Kate. You wanted me to stay and talk so why don't you start."

"I'm not sure I know where to begin."

"You could start with why you really left or with why you seemed to have changed your mind or just anywhere you want. You know I'm not much of a talker but I think what I said earlier sums up how I feel about things right now. I'm willing to listen to whatever you need to say."

Kate took a few moments to gather herself then she launched into what she hoped would be the most persuasive presentation she had ever given.

"I left for the reasons I told you that night on the Mall. And, because I wanted to see if you would come after me. If you cared enough to fight for us."

"So it was a test?"

"Yes, I guess it was partly."

"We're not in high school Kate. Or even college. I've been divorced three times. I'm not interested in playing games or having my feelings tested." There was a hint of anger in his voice that he didn't try to hide and that Kate didn't fail to notice.

"I know. It was stupid and wrong. I've thought about that a lot and I accept that I made a mistake. I won't do anything like that again. However, I stand by my assertion that part of our problem is your tendency to shut me out. You have acknowledged that and I'm willing to live with it; for a while anyway. Probably a long while if I have to."

"Why?"

This was the point where Kate would make her case. She scooted closer so she could take his hand in hers. This was the part she had struggled with for so long and yet it was the most obvious and most clear to her. She looked him in the eyes and gave him the most honest answer she could.

"Because I love you Jethro. The good qualities you have and the good things you bring to our relationship outweigh that one problem area. You are the best man I have ever known. You are strong and gentle and brave. I love the way you make me feel when we're together. I admire your devotion to you job and to your team. When I'm in your arms I feel like I'm the most cherished person on the planet. I have missed you so much it the last few months that I can't even begin to put it into words. I know I hurt you when I left and I'm asking you to forgive me and give us another chance."

"Are you sure that's what you really want?"

"Yes. I want to be with you Jethro. I want to love you and be loved by you. I want to come home."

Jethro studied her face and he knew she was being absolutely honest with him. Kate had never been one to lie to him and even if she did try, better liars than her had tried and failed to deceive him. He laid his head back against the cushion and closed his eyes. Kate was being honest with him. She had admitted her mistake and owned up to her part in their problems. If he just accepted her apology and they started again were they really any better off? Had anything been accomplished by all their pain and loneliness if he couldn't bring himself to be honest with the woman he said he loved? Probably not he realized. Suddenly it was as if someone had opened a window and let a fresh breeze blow through him. Jethro opened his eyes and found Kate looking back at him with tears in her eyes. Jethro reached out and ran his hand down her arm taking her free hand in his, he raised her hand to his mouth and kissed her palm softly. The feel of her fingertips on his skin was electric.

He knew what he wanted. He wanted her back. He wanted to come home to her at night and kiss her goodbye in the mornings. He wanted to hear her laugh again, listen to her scold him for not taking care of himself. He wanted to hold her and know she was his. He wanted to love her again and forever. And, he wanted to let her love him.

He took a deep breath and finally he began.

"I've been married four times. My first wife's name was Shannon. . . "

END


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